Monday, October 12, 2009

Life

It's been a while since I wrote here. I've been doing most of my writing on my Reiki Journal, but life sometimes has a way of hitting you upside the head and reminding you of things you'd rather forget.

I believe I've had fibromyalgia for more than 10 years. However I wasn't officially diagnosed until this year. I've also chosen to forgo any medication, thinking I didn't want to become a "pill popper." But, sometimes our preconceived ideas just simply shatter when we get these reminders.

The pain has become pronounced and chronic. Most mornings I awake moving very slowly. Because of this, I set my alarm half an hour earlier to give myself extra time. However, getting up is not one of the things I'm good at. This is when the pain is the worst, when I wake up. And now that the weather is getting colder, the pain is becoming worse.

I absolutely adore my grandchildren, but hate the fact that it hurts when I pick them up ... even Olivia, and she's only 8 weeks old! I hate that when the pain is really bad, I lose patience with them. I feel like a slug because my daughter, who lives with me, does pretty much everything in the kitchen. Vaccuuming has become an olympic event.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, a little. But not many people read this anyway. It's more for me than for anyone else. It's an outlet. I think I have to break down and admit that I need help with this. And I hate that.

Thoughts go through my head, thoughts like how long will I be able to work full time. So many doctor's visits are beginning to cause problems at work. Although it shouldn't, because there's another staff member who takes way more time than I do. But I tend to be the one at work who is "understanding," and usually gives in.

I'm beginning to feel like a chronic complainer, and I hate that. So, maybe it's time to call my doctor and discuss some medication options. And maybe it's time to get serious about walking, and watching my diet. 

Pity party officially over.