Friday, July 3, 2009
I had a couple of realizations in the past few weeks. The first is that I haven't been able to let go of the events of the past few years. I've pretty much just crawled inside myself and put up walls. A good friend of mine wanted to introduce me to a colleague of hers on the basis that we're both single and we both love kayaking and being outdoors. I completely panicked and said no. I know I'm not ready for that, and it's hard to explain why, other than I'm still holding on to the past. I know I need to let it go ... it is what it is, and all that ... but I don't know how to. Maybe it will come in time? I don't know.
I also realized that I've been so wrapped up in protecting myself that I've been neglecting a big part of myself ... the creative part, the part that looks for the beauty in ordinary things. I can't tell you how many times in the past months I've seen something and said "I wish I had my camera." I used to take it everywhere with me! Lately, it's been sitting in a corner, neglected and very sad.
To remedy this, and to try and get back to who I was before all the shit of the past 3 years, I've created a new photography project for myself - to try and find something beautiful every day. Not just beauty in terms of how something looks ... it could be a feeling that a scene evokes ... it could be trying to illustrate a song I find beautiful. I don't know from day to day what it will be. I'm just hoping to begin the journey back to me.
I'm still knitting a lot. I've started Christmas presents. I'm pretty much knitting or crocheting for everyone this year. I still want to start a crafting blog, but, I don't know ... it just doesn't feel like the time. I guess I'll know when.
Oh ... that picture up there? That's my latest "Beauty Photo." It's my grandson's toes as he was sleeping this morning. I took it at around 4:20 a.m., just before I woke him up to take him to the airport. We had to be there by 6 a.m. If you're interested in more of what I find beautiful, click here.
Bye for now.